Posted in blog post, Thoughts, Writing tips

Almost time for Prep-tober!

Whew, September is almost over, and October is scratching at the window. I am enjoying the cooler weather and the change of the décor to autumnal colors. Fall is my favorite time of year. It is a time for bon fires, family, NaNoWriMo and holidays.

For those of you who want to write, November is a great time to get started. NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month and people from all over the world come together to support each other and write. I have won a couple of NaNoWriMos completing a fifty-thousand-word manuscript in less than 30 days. It takes discipline and determination. Are you up to it? Well, if you want to write 50 in 30 days, then you need to start planning in October. Here’s how I plan to use October to plan my writing for November.

As a pantser or discovery writer I don’t do outlines. So how do I plan?

Each book is different, but I start by fast drafting. Now some people would say this is the same as an outline and maybe it is, but my brain thinks of it in a different way. I quickly tell myself the story from beginning to end without any details or POV just a vague of idea of where I want to go with the story.

Then I start layering in details. I start with POV, I might write everything from one person’s point of view but then decide I need another perspective, another person’s insight into what is happening that the main character doesn’t know about. I have one lead character, but one or two, sometimes three supporting point of view characters. You can do more but the more you do, the more planning it requires.

A stand-alone story doesn’t require as much planning as a series in some ways, continuity is a factor in series. I need to make sure that what I said about a character in book one, is still relevant in book two, etc. unless there is a reason for the change.

If you have more than one genre in the story like my historical romantic mystery, I have a layer for the history (I usually do this last with lots of fact checking), romance is a layer as is the mystery portion. In my Applegate mystery there is also the family dynamics so that is another layer. For Winnie and Harry, their romance is still just a yearning unfulfilled so while I will bring them together and pull them apart, another layer, I also want to keep their emotions charged.

The purpose of planning ahead isn’t to take away the spontaneity of being a discovery writer but to have an idea of where to go next. Another idea that was given to me by my mentor, cozy mystery author M K Graff, was to make a note at the end of the writing day of where you want to go the next time you write. This is a great to help you get started especially if it’s going to be a couple of days before you have the chance to return to your manuscript.

Mystery author Kate Parker suggested putting ideas on a whiteboard (or other, I used a corkboard or wall) write down a list of ideas you want to go into the story as you use those ideas take them off the board. (I put mine on sticky notes so I could move them to the used pile but also remember to plan for the event or show the results of it.)

You don’t have to be really structured with your planning. You can brainstorm ideas and put them on notecards, shuffle them around and see what comes up. Find a planning method that fits your personality and the personality of your book. Each book is different, and some require more planning than others. Don’t be afraid to try something new or return to an old idea. For some authors, outlining, planning character sheets, knowing everything that is going to happen in their book before they write it is a necessary part of their process and then there are others who sit down at the computer and just pull something from the ether and write. Whatever method you choose, I have found that for me personally, having a little bit of a plan helps but too much structure takes all the joy out of discovering the story.

I hope this helps. What are some of the ways you get ready for NaNoWriMo?

cork board covered with sticky notes
Posted in blog post, Thoughts, writing inspiration, Writing tips

Connections & Information

As a writer we spend a lot of time alone with our keyboards. I recently had the chance to attend a festival and while my goal was to sell books, what I received was even more valuable. First, the connections I made prior to the festival by doing promotions for myself and other participants by reposting and engaging with the other attendees helped me to be seen on other Facebook pages while sharing my page with others. Part of promoting ourselves requires us to reach out to others and share our space. In my case, the Fish and Farm Festival was a local event which I wanted to promote not just because I was going to be there, but because of the work these folks have been doing to help restore our town.

The second thing I received was the chance to get to know my fellow Pamlico Writers’ group member, friend, and the lady who has taken on the task of event programming, Mandy Monath. When we’re at a meeting or event there are the demands and expectations of other people and as leaders of PWG it is up to us to made sure everything is done, having a few minutes to talk candidly and get to know each other was a real boon. We were able to share personal information as well as make plans for upcoming events. Taking a few minutes to really get to know your fellow authors, group members, and even readers is a luxury few of us take time to enjoy.

Thirdly, meeting readers and writers and being able to help them discover something they need or would enjoy even if it’s not your book. Having a writer-friend come out just to buy your book and be able to introduce her to your other writer-friend. Sharing information and learning from each other, taking the time to listen as well as impart.

Over the years of engaging with other writers I’ve discovered that everyone has something to share and no matter where we are on the scale we need to stop and listen because things are changing too quickly to believe that even as an experienced author we have all the answers. I have learned as much from a new writers as I have from a seasoned author.

My advice, such as it is, if you have the opportunity to attend an event make the most of it and remember selling books is only a small part of what it’s about. Being an author, especially an indie author is about building a strong foundation–make connections and friends, get your name out there–these are all important parts of the process. Like building a house, we first have to dig down and place footers, pour a foundation, we need to start strong in order to build a viable author career.

Posted in Thoughts, Uncategorized

What ‘s the Deal with Toothbrushes?

Why is it so difficult to find the right toothbrush?

I was brushing my teeth this morning and I was aggravated that I didn’t have the same kind of toothbrush I’d bought before. I don’t remember what kind I had but I liked it. This one is only big enough to do one tooth at a time. That’s great if you only have one tooth left, but I’m still in possession of most of my pearly whites. I don’t want to spend hours brushing one tooth at a time.

Why do they make finding the right toothbrush so difficult? I went shopping for a new toothbrush not long ago. There were thousands of them, and I couldn’t pick out the one kind I liked from the multitude. I’m sorry but half of them look like the kind I like and the other half I know I hate and I leave not buying any of them. The one I’m using was actually given to me in my Christmas stuff or maybe it came from the dentist, either way, it was free and it was time to retire the other one. I mean, it was losing more bristles every time I brushed. I was having to pick fibers out of my teeth with a pick. That was fun.

I like a soft brush. I brush my teeth at least twice a day and I have sensitive teeth and gums, so I don’t want a wire brush scraping across sensitive flesh and precious enamel. Heck, I’m trying to keep my teeth not erode them away faster. Who would need a hard toothbrush? What are they scraping off that they have to have something hard enough to scar the flesh and rip groves in their dentures? What have they been eating? Maybe they should change their diet? I don’t know. My teeth hurt just thinking about it.

It is believed the Chinese invented the first natural bristle toothbrush in the 1400s using pigs’ hair and bone or bamboo for the handles. Europeans adopted this design but decided horsehair and wood was a better choice. At least it was Kosher. Before you start freaking out over the ancient toothbrushes, think about the toothpastes used. The Ancients used a variety of things to whiten their teeth and freshen breath but not all of them are things I’d want to put in my mouth. Egyptians were thought to use ground ox hooves’ ashes, burnt eggshells, and pumice…I bet those teeth didn’t last long. The Chinese used ginseng, mints and salts, I might be able to handle that, but the Greeks and Romans had a paste of crushed bones, oyster shells, charcoal and tree bark…yum. Our modern toothpaste is often filled with sugar, and I have to wonder if the better tasting stuff isn’t sending us back to the dentist. Is that a conspiracy? Maybe I should save my bones and eggshells and make my own? Just one of my random thoughts…sometimes it’s not safe to be inside my head.

So whether you use a hard or soft bristle brush, nylon fibers or natural, and whatever your choice of tooth polish, I hope this gave you a reason to smile.

Posted in event, Thoughts

The High Cost of Progress

Does the benefits outweigh the changes?

When the steam engine first appeared on the scene it was met with both excitement and trepidation. The steam engine opened up new places, new opportunities, offered new and different jobs, but it also took away from existing jobs. The mail, once delivered by Pony Express could now arrive more quickly and safely by the railroad. Packages, cargo and travelers could also arrive via steam powered trains opening up the need for more coal mines and miners. The sewing machine made it faster to create dresses and suits at home. It even allowed ready-made clothes to be more accessible. But the seamstress and tailors who sewed by hand either had to learn to use the new machines, if they could afford it or compete for the fancy, detail work only handwork could do. Each generation faces challenges in the name of progress from the invention of the automobile and electric lights, to talking films replacing the silent movies, to frozen foods making meat and produce available around the world all year long. Not all of the changes have been bad, some have created new jobs, allowed farmers to sell more product, opened new opportunities.

But with every change there have been challenges and naysayers. The most recent change in our world is AI, artificial intelligence. Now, I’m not a computer geek. I don’t have the latest gadgets, but just like the air fryer and microwave, I appreciate anything that makes my life easier. I believe AI such as Chat GBT has its place. For me, AI is a tool to help me with those things I have trouble doing myself, like marketing. I feed it my ideas and it spits out something usually not something I can use, so I give it more information. The more I tell it, the better it does in giving me what I’m looking for. After a few tries I usually get something that sounds close to what I want. I might take ten suggestions from Chat and kick out two or three to start with, combine two or three deleting anything over the top, and by editing and piecing together come up with something that will work for a blurb, description, or tagline. As far as writing a story, I can’t see using AI to write because that is what I love to do. To give my ideas to Chat and let it do the writing, takes all the fun out of it. But if I’m looking for something that happened at a certain point in history, or fashion information, or even foreign names, this would be a tool I think would save me some time.

How do you feel about AI? Have you tried it? While I still feel we need to be careful about using AI in an ethical manor, I believe it is here to stay. Like the SAG-AFRA strikes in Hollywood, I support the authors and artist who wish to get paid for the use of their works in the creating of AI. I also believe that any whose works were used who choose to not be a part of it should be allowed to have their works and influence pulled from AI’s learning. I am sure that is not easily done and if the bots can search the web on their own (I’m not sure if that’s possible), they can find it and learn it without our knowledge. We need a new way of copyrighting our work and protecting the original creators. It’s a conundrum progress versus ethics, but if history has taught us anything, it’s that the outcome doesn’t justify the means.

If you are interested in learning more about AI and Writing, check out the Heart of Carolina’s online program coming Saturday, August 12th from 1-3 pm via Zoom with author, Elizabeth Ann West.

https://www.heartofcarolina.org/event-details/introduction-to-ai-for-authors-with-elizabeth-ann-west

About the Event

This workshop is designed to provide authors with a comprehensive understanding of Artificial Intelligence (AI) and its potential applications in the realm of creative writing. Led by renowned indie author and AI enthusiast Elizabeth Ann West, this workshop will equip participants with basic knowledge and tools to leverage AI as a valuable assistant in their writing journey.During the workshop, participants will delve into the fundamental concepts of AI and explore its capabilities in aiding various aspects of the writing process. Through a combination of a presentation and an interactive Q&A discussion, attendees will gain practical insights into harnessing AI technologies to enhance their creativity, productivity, and storytelling prowess.General Topics Covered:

  • Introduction to AI: Understanding the basic principles and terminology of Artificial Intelligence.
  • AI in Writing: Exploring the intersection of AI and creative writing and how it can benefit authors.
  • Natural Language Processing (NLP): Explaining the concept of NLP and its relevance to AI-based writing applications.
  • Text Generation Models: Exploring state-of-the-art language models such as GPT-3 and its applications in generating story ideas, character development, and dialogue.
  • Ethical Considerations: Discuss the ethical implications of using AI in writing and understand the limitations of AI-generated content.
  • Incorporating AI into Workflow: Practical tips and strategies for seamlessly integrating AI tools into an author’s writing process and workflow.

By the end of the workshop, participants will have an excellent beginner’s understanding of AI, its applications in the field of writing, and how to effectively utilize AI tools as assistants in their own creative endeavors. Join Elizabeth Ann West for this enlightening workshop and unlock the potential of AI in transforming your writing journey. This event is online only. A handout will be provided, and a recording will be available for one week. Chapter members: Free. No registration required. Nonmembers: $12.50. Register: https://hcrw-2023-08.eventbrite.com

Speaker bio: Elizabeth Ann West is an author of over 20 novels and novellas and CEO of Future Fiction Academy. She has used generative AI as part of her writing process since November of 2021, helped create the prompting structure for Sudo write’s Story Engine, and now works as an AI Author educator, advocate, prompt engineer, and consultant to AI software startups. Her chief concern is making sure AI is not only something big publishers have access to and understand how to harness, but that every writer has access to these incredible advancements on technologies we’ve been using for over a decade in other applications. Plus, it’s so much fun to play with, she loses sleep over it regularly. She holds a Bachelor’s in Political Science, Leadership Studies, of all things, so she is a firm believer that if she can figure out the technology, she can help others, too.

Posted in inspiration, Thoughts, writing inspiration

Wedding and Other Special Occasions

We just celebrated our wedding anniversary, thirty-two years. We didn’t do anything special since we both had to work but I can’t help but remember our wedding. Since we’d both been married before and we had five children between us, we didn’t want to spend a lot of money on our wedding. I did a lot of the wedding décor and preparations myself. Looking back, I can see how brides turn into Bridezillas. All the craziness beforehand with trying to remake my dress and make my bouquets. When things went wrong, they went very wrong. Desperate and crazy, I called my maid of honor, and we went shopping for a sundress. What is the saying, when the going gets tough the tough go shopping!

We both wore white sundresses and my two flower girls had flowered dresses on white background.  The guys wore black pants and white shirts, except my groom, he wore gray. The ceremony was near perfection. It was pretty close to my dream wedding. We were married outside at my aunt’s home on the river. My father-in-law built us a trellis and we decorated it with flowers. We had a pig picking for our reception. Our brother-in-law cooked the pig. Altogether we probably didn’t spend a thousand dollars including the cake and the food. I’d say it was closer to five hundred.

Because of my own simple wedding, it’s difficult for me to even imagine spending tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding. I’ve watched movie weddings and soap opera weddings, I’ve even watched the royal weddings, but it always seems like such a waste. These kinds of weddings are the fantasy weddings so many little girls dream about but so few can afford. What is it about weddings we love or hate?

I’m writing a bonus story for my newsletter with a wedding. As a reader, what part of the wedding do you want to know the details? I love the dress description, but I also want to know the groom’s expression when he sees his bride coming down the aisle.

So, what would you want to see or read about in a short wedding story? The walk down the aisle with her father or maybe the teasing of friends or siblings? I always loved watching the first dance with the bride and groom, or the bride’s dance with her father. Perhaps you love to see the couple cut the cake and feed each other, or maybe you just like to eat the cake.

Share your wedding photos or tell me your favorite part of a wedding.  

Posted in Thoughts, Uncategorized

Truth in Fiction

For many of us who write fiction, at least I know this is true of myself and some of my writing friends, we broach subjects with our fiction that might not be easily discussed in real life. I can write about a character’s difficulties following her rape from her self-medicating to her pushing others away, but only a therapist or close friend could discuss this touchy subject with a real person. Showing a character going through something so heartbreaking and difficult allows the reader and writer to empathize.

With fiction we can allow a reader and even the writers ourselves to live for a bit in the skin of a person who is hurting so we might better understand those around us who are also hurting. I’m not saying all fiction is therapy or designed to enlighten. Fiction is first and foremost written to entertain, but within our entertainment if we can also learn something or experience something, that is an added bonus.

When I think about some of the books that have touched my soul and left their mark. I’m reminded that not everyone reads the same way I do. Some people simply read a book and move on, but others absorb a book until it becomes a part of them. John Hart’s book The Last Child left me feeling raw and vulnerable. It was one of those books that even years after reading it, I still remember parts of the story, and the main character, thirteen-year-old Johnny Merrimon.

Have you ever read a book that affected you strongly? I’d love to hear about it. Share some of your favorites or most memorable books and I’ll share some of mine.

The Truth about Lord Stoneville by Sabrina Jeffries

The Demon Duke by Margaret Locke

The Elemental series by Brigid Kemmerer

Blake Crouch’s Good Behavior and Pines

Posted in Thoughts, writing inspiration

Hair

In the fifties guys like The Fonz and Elvis wore their hair in a pompadour or ducktail, or maybe a jelly roll, others chose the flat top or crew cut. Hair differentiated the cool cats from the squares. Ladies styled their locks in the poodle, the pixie, the curly bob or the really risqué might spray their hair into a bouffant. The more hairspray the wilder the girl.  

By the sixties had the girls wearing their hair in everything from Afros to Pixie cuts, to the flip, but if you wanted a reputation, the Beehive would do the trick. Must have been something about that hairspray. The guys were still sporting the pompadour, but hair styles were becoming more varied with the long geometrical hairstyle, men’s bob, short curly, side part, long hair straight or curly, slicked back, combed over, or big Afro. Then came the long-layered look and the iconic Mop Top, and we can’t forget the mullet. The Afro and the Mop Top like the Beehive and the Pompadour made a statement and was often the target, especially for the older generation, for derision and ridicule. What is it about our hair that makes people so angry?

The seventies brought a lot of similarities with both men and women’s hair styles from curly perms for both, to long-layered shags, dread locks, mullets, wedges, and long straight hair. Facial hair became more popular. Dread locks became society’s target of attack.

Eighties became more styled and the use of styling products more prominent. There was a return to the older styles like the fifties but with it came a new set of prejudices, and it continues.

Hair styles, tattoos, piercings, make-up, and dress are all ways we express ourselves, show our culture and our personalities, our interests, passions and affiliations.

I have always felt that hair styles were a great way for people to express themselves. It was usually less expensive and if they didn’t like it, they could shave it off or let it grow out. When my kids were young, I’d let them choose their hair style and as they got older even let them dye their hair. I remember someone accusing me of child abuse because I allowed them to get mohawks, something they’d all begged for. I waited until the last week of school figuring they could let it grow out over the summer if they didn’t like it. They had rat tails, braids, long hair and shaved heads. One even had his hair dyed in several different colors at once much to the horror and dismay of his prom date.

As they have grown older some have grown beards, dyed or bleached their hair, worn it long or cut high and tight, some have piercings, some have tats, their styles show who they are, their personalities, and what they feel is important.

Many of us conform to society’s expectations or more accurately to the expectations of our employers. I wear hated polo shirts with my company’s logo. I’m not allowed to wear shorts or leggings to work. They also frown on wild hair colors or excessive jewelry. I show my personality with accessories, colorful scarves, hair bands, jewelry and even colorful pants. I love color. I love ethnic clothes and have gotten strange looks when I showed up at church wearing my handmade African caftan or Mexican embroidered dress. I even hate to wear white underclothes. Clothes should make you happy not just cover your bits and parts. They show your personality. I don’t expect everyone to like what I like but I also don’t feel I need to apologize for letting the real me out once in a while.

A very nice man came into my store followed by another man who was joking with him about his curly hair. Now I knew the first man’s hair was a wig but evidently the other man did not. He kept going on and on about the man’s Toni, as in a Toni perm. When the first man left, the other commented that he didn’t understand why the man, a black man had to have his hair like that. Everyone knew he was black. He didn’t have to wear his hair like that. I really didn’t understand why it mattered to him. The black man was nothing but kind and pleasant, so why did his hair bother him so much? It was then I realized the joking wasn’t done in jest but was poking fun, and my heart ached that I might have hurt that kind man by going along with the joking.

“I like it,” I told the other man.

“What? You like his hair?” The man asked.

“Yep, I do,” I said, my voice stronger.

“Then why don’t you have your hair like that?”

I just smiled and explained, “My hair won’t stay like that not without a lot of product, and I don’t like to wear a lot of stuff in my hair.”

He left still commenting about that man’s hair.

I don’t get it. I don’t understand why what someone else does to their hair or body should matter to me. I don’t have to like it but if it isn’t affecting me, why should I care?

I had an aunt who liked to wear big, gaudy costume jewelry, it looked good on her. She also wore bright colors and enjoyed her clothes. A cousin wore a lot of makeup, and I remembered thinking it was artistic and pretty, but I’d never be able to do that. Others have styles I don’t care for or wouldn’t want for myself, like the really long fancy nails or the elaborate braids. I think they are pretty but I couldn’t wear them myself.

Why do we judge people who look different than us? Why not celebrate our differences? Whether it’s a beautiful young girl made up to look like a vampire or a handsome young man who prefers to dress colorfully with a bit of feminine flare or someone of a different ethnicity who embraces their culture, why not accept that we are all unique and part of the beauty of the world instead of expecting everyone to look, dress and act the same.

What are your thoughts? What fashion do you love or hate?

Posted in inspiration, Thoughts, writing inspiration

Thrills, Chills and Romance…

What do horror stories and romance have in common? My husband is an avid horror movie buff and he reads sci-fi and medical thrillers, but he also likes to watch romance movies and those reunion clips on YouTube. You know the ones where a military person is reunited with their child, spouse or other family member. It always makes me cry.

I have never loved horror movies. I like vampires and werewolves, and some horror/thriller movies. I enjoy reading some of the darker books with some horror elements but I don’t consider myself a true horror fan. I have worked in haunted houses and I’ve marched in parades dressed as a clown, yet find it difficult to go into a haunted house and clowns can be a bit creepy.

While I was doing research for this blog, I was curious about what scientist and psychologist say about our love for horror. As a romance author, I have heard speakers talk about the affects of romance novels on readers. Stories can make people more empathetic, understanding, open-minded and there is a feminism to modern romance stories. Yes, readers still want the happy ever after of old but we see women who choose careers over having a family, we see their love-interest being supportive of their goals and willing to make sacrifices to help them achieve them. There are still some traditional romances where the couple marries and have a family, but they aren’t the only option. What surprised me when I was doing the research was that horror fans are also thought to be more empathetic and intuitive. While it’s true, some movies can feed aggressive behavior, such as movies where there is a lot of fighting, and the theme is might is always right. For the most part, as the master Stephen King explains, horror itself is a sort of safety valve, a symbolic cantharis for our cruel and aggressive behavior.

From WebMD blog “Why We Love Scary Movies” by Richard Sine, his interview with Joanne Cantor, PhD, director of the Center of Communication Research at University of Wisconsin, Madison states, “most people like to experience pleasant emotions.” We fall in love alongside the characters in a romance, experience their journey to their happy ending and are left feeling as if we’ve just fallen in love.

Professor Glen Sparks believes horror movies may be similar to our ancient rite of passage rituals. Young men especially feel the need to pit themselves against something bigger, meaner, and prove themselves. In watching a scary movie, the fear is real. Our bodies haven’t learned to filter out what is on screen and what is real danger. We react as if we are the ones hunted by the monster; our heartbeats increase, our palms sweat, skin temperature drops, muscles tense, and our blood pressure spikes.

Psychologist Glenn D. Walters identified three factors that feed the attraction to horror entertainment: 1) Tension-by including elements of mystery, suspense, gore, terror, and shock it ramps up the tension. 2) Relevance-including elements viewers identify with which plays on the psychology of fear, the most universal, the fear of death, the unknown, or cultural relevance. 3) Unrealism-having all of these “real” elements coupled with the knowledge that it is not real and probably won’t ever happen, allows the viewer to experience the fear, test their mettle within a safe environment.

Stories were originally told as a form of education. Don’t go too far from the cave or you’ll be eaten by dinosaurs. Don’t go into the woods or you’ll be attacked by wolves. Our first stories were horror stories told to keep us safe and warn of dangers.

Going into a haunted house or watching a scary movie allows us to conquer our fears. For many, horror and other violent entertainment is a way to deal with actual fears and real violence. Just as a person might learn how they wish to be treated by a lover from a romance book or movie, they can also learn to cope with evil from watching or reading horror. Fiction, no matter the genre has a way of telling us what other options are available to us. It can open our eyes to possibilities. While I don’t expect to meet a Duke and live in a mansion, having a husband who treats me as his priority and he mine, is a big part of what romance taught me. Being brave enough to face down demons from hell with only a bottle of holy water and a crucifix, well, maybe not so much. I think I’d prefer to be armed with a flamethrower at least. But whether you are a fan of horror or romance, sci-fi or action-adventure, I hope you will open your eyes and heart to people, their differences and similarities. Most of us, no matter where we come from, the color of our skin or our religion, we’re just trying to survive, find love and enjoy a few moments of peace and happiness.

Research sites:

WebMD-Why We Love Scary Movies by Richard Sine

Washington Post-Why We Like Scary Things by Richard Sima

RWR-Romance Writers of America

Posted in inspiration, Thoughts

What We Can Learn from Ethnic Movies and Books…

Why I love Ethnic Movies and Books, I love learning about different cultures and discovering our similarities as well as what makes us unique.

I was watching Wedding Season last night. It is a charming television movie about two Indian families. One family wants their daughter to marry and find happiness. She works hard but has closed herself off to love after a bad relationship. Her sister is getting ready to marry a white guy who is trying too hard to embrace the Indian culture. He loves her so much. He wants to show her family he is worthy of her but in the process is making her a little crazy. The second family, the good son has disappointed his father by dropping out of college, the father won’t listen to the young man when he tries to talk to him about his life and his work. The old man assumes he’s a bum and won’t be able to find a wife by telling the truth, so he makes up a profile for his son. The mother of workaholic daughter makes up a profile for her, and the two are coerced into meeting.

Now many of us would say, why don’t they just refuse. Why don’t they contact the ap and have their profile taken down? What compels them to do this crazy thing for their parent? Is their culture so different than our own?   

Growing up in the south, I can relate to the Asian and Indian culture of the importance of family. My parents were loners and tried to avoid a lot of family events but even they understood the importance of family. If my dad’s sister requested his presence at an event, or my mom’s mother, then they would attend, perhaps grudgingly, but they’d attend. You do a lot of things because of family expectations, go to a preferred school, join certain clubs, make career choices… If my parents arranged for me to meet someone, I’d feel compelled to at least show up and meet the guy.

One of my daughters-in-law is Cambodian. She and my son had two weddings in order to appease her parents and also have the wedding they wanted. They had a traditional Cambodian wedding which lasted three days (it would have lasted a week if my son had been Asian too), and then they had a Christian/civil ceremony a few weeks later.

As I watch these movies or read books with strong matriarchal or patriarchal societies I can relate to a degree because there is a certain amount of pressure to please our parents and grandparents especially if you have a close family. Add in the struggles many of these families have had just getting to America and building their lives here, some having left home with little or nothing, possibly not even knowing the language, and you can see how the community becomes an extended family.

My daughter-in-law’s family were refugees. They were prepared to go to France. Her father was a teacher. He spoke French. But when things fell through and they were unable to go to France, they came instead to America where they were not prepared, did not know the language, and the hardships they faced put a strain on their family. The Asian community helped them find work, places to live and even helped them acclimate to life in America.  

In rural North Carolina, I grew up with a sense of community and that community was part of my extended family. I grew up as a neighborhood kid. I was part of the community and they were a part of teaching and training me. As I write my stories, I bring family and community into my setting and characters. Like many of the ethnic stories I read and watch, I feel a kinship because here in our small town we are invested in each other’s lives.

Reading books and watching movies that entertain us and give us a little taste of what someone else has gone through, and suddenly the world becomes a little smaller, strangers become neighbors, and our differences don’t seem so foreign because they are the uniqueness of a friend or the peculiarities of a neighbor, so they are not as frightening as those of a stranger, nor a foreign as someone living half a world away.