Posted in backstory, my books, Thoughts

Don’t Worry, I Still Believe in Happy Endings

Don’t Worry Be Happy

I believe in happy endings.

While I can’t quite call myself a romance writer, I still believe in happy ever after, or happy for now. Okay, maybe happyish. Since I like to blow things up and kill people off (usually the bad guys), not everyone is going to have their happy ending. Well I’m usually happy about it. I’m having way too much fun thinking of new ways to make trouble.

My mom said recently, “I didn’t know you had such a dark side.” Truth is I’m a nice person, except to my characters and I’m a pretty happy person. I work at being happy. It’s not always easy. Sometimes life really sucks, and it is too easy to get mired down in what is wrong. Over the years I’ve had to give myself pep-talks, allow myself to have a brief pity party and then get on with living. I’ve had to deal with unpleasantness and realize I’m stronger than I ever believed. I’ve had to decide to be happy and sometimes I’ve had to fake it until I felt it. That’s not saying I don’t have my blue days, my crying jags, my broken-hearted moments, I just choose not to live there and some days, like battling the characters in my stories, it’s a real fight to find my happy. But having a job where you can kill off the bad guys, blow things up and not have to worry about getting your hands dirty is pretty therapeutic.

road accident car crash on an city road highway

Mom also mentioned she wished I’d write some “nice” stories. Don’t get me wrong, my mom has become one of my biggest fans, she often proof-reads my stories before I publish them. She has a great eye but she’s at an age where she likes up-lifting stories of hope and faith. I get that but that’s not where I am in my own journey. I think for me, writing the Leeward Files has allowed me to get out some of the darkness that has touched my life either in reality or through contact with others. To keep all of that hate and anger bottled up can destroy a person, like my character Phil. He is so twisted by what was done to him that even though he is trying to do what is right, he goes about it in very wrong ways. It’s not that Phil doesn’t know right from wrong, he just doesn’t see why it should matter if the results are good.

The Leeward Files has become a labor of love. Most of you who have read the series know it is loosely based on my hometown of Aurora, North Carolina. My town is dying. I love this town and would love to see it revitalized. There is so much potential here. When I look at this town, I see what it could be. I see Leeward without all the murders and sex trafficking. We really don’t need all of that here. The town is surrounded by water, the Pamlico Sound, the Pamlico River and South Creek border the peninsula. Farmland and forest still dot the landscape. The community, while not perfect, is like a big extended family. When we lost our home to fire people came together to help us, people we didn’t even know. When the backside of town flooded during Irene, people worked together to rebuild. Every day I am inspired by the people and beauty of this place, yet down town is dying. We have no grocery store. Windows are being smashed out. People are leaving. Houses are sitting vacant. Burned out homes are being allowed to sit as eyesores because no one can afford to have them torn down. When I imagine what I’d do if I won the lottery or managed to snag a movie deal, I’d have to fix up this town I love. I’d love to bring back some of the beauty and charm and make it a place people would want to come to. Anybody got a winning lottery ticket I could borrow? How about a movie deal, I’ve got some great books that would make awesome movies, and I know a town where we could film it! I’m just saying, I know a guy…

In my series, The Leeward Files, Evergreen Crystals was to be my happy ever after story for my previous heroines: Rae Lynne from Chrome Pink, Dana from White Gold and Jenna from Titanium Blue. The three best friends have found the loves of their lives and plan to settle down. Jenna and Tar plan to stop their divorce and try to be a family again. Rae and Logan are expecting a baby and she has agreed to marry him even though she terrified she might ruin his life. Jake is feeling the pressure to propose to Dana with both of her best friends getting married but is that the right course for them? Not everyone has to get married and have babies to have a happy ever after. I really thought Evergreen Crystals was going to be my sweet romance story. It is romantic, it’s sexy but I couldn’t resist killing somebody and causing trouble and well, it still has a happy ending. Don’t worry, be happy. Now as for the next books…he, hee, heee, I did tell you I’m having too much fun blowing things up. Well, let’s just say, the next three books are giving me a lot of therapy.

So, if anyone goes missing or if there is a mysterious fire, it wasn’t me. I prefer to do my crimes on paper, it’s less messy that way. If you like suspense thrillers with strong romantic elements set in a small southern town, check out my Leeward Files Series and thanks for stopping by.

Posted in inspiration

Easter, a time of hope and renewal

Easter, for the Christian is a time for renewal, rebirth, and rejoicing. It is a time we celebrate Christ’s triumph over the grave. It is a time of HOPE. Like spring, there is the hope of renewal: renewing the heart of a sinner, renewing the spirit of the downtrodden, renewing the faith of a weakened spirit, and renewing our faith and belief in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Easter, even more than Christmas, is the time for Christians to rejoice for this is the foundation of our religion. Christ arose. It’s simple. Because Jesus lives so can we.

My stories may not appear religious. They are filled with sex and violence and darkness, but there is also love and hope. Without hope we have nothing. For the Christian, that hope is centered around our faith that Jesus died and is risen. For genre fiction, we have hope in the romance that the heroes and heroines will live happily ever after. In mysteries, thrillers and suspense we hope the good guys will win and the bad guys will get justice.

I’m not going to stretch the truth and say “Chrome Pink” is in any way Christian fiction but my own beliefs and moral code are evident in Rae Lynne’s struggles. I believe we are all searching for something. Whether it is love or justice or faith, that journey of discovery is an important part of being human. I am a believer in happy endings and I’m confident that everyone can find happiness. Sometimes it is making the choice to be happy.

As the flowers burst into bloom and the days begin to warm, a romance writers’ mind goes to love and marriage and happily ever after. Life isn’t fiction and after nearly twenty-seven years of marriage, I know, every day isn’t happy. I believe we have to make the choice to be happy. “God won’t give us more than we can bear.” I have struggled with this my whole life, faith versus the world’s oppression and darkness. My life hasn’t been a story book with perfect people living charming lives. No, I’ve lost loved ones, seen cruelties first hand, and struggle still with guilt and anger over things I wish I could change. I’ve lost a home to fire, had a miscarriage and lost a sister to birth defects. And I still believe we have to make the choice to be happy. It’s not easy to find the silver lining or hold your head up when you feel like weeping. Our Preacher mentioned this passage from Romans and I thought is summarizes all I wish to say. Romans 5:3-5  3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, …

Hope, is what keeps us believing in happy endings, the future and faith. For me, being a writer is tied up in my faith that good will triumph over bad.

Happy Easter, may you all find your spirits renewed and filled with hope.

Posted in poetry

Laughter is my Night Light

Do not judge me because I laugh too much or too loud
Do not think I know not pain
You do not know the tears I hide
My jokes & jests are just so much camouflage.
I CHOOSE to be the happy clown
For one caustic tear like acid waste will erode this dammed wall—
And teardrops shored will then flood my soul.
You know not my fear, my guilt, my shame
The mistakes I’ve made the choices that blame
The monsters hiding beneath my bed
Those who call my name
The demons whose taunts linger in my head
screaming, clawing, accusing, condemning my soul.
The laughter chases back the night
Shoves my tormentors back into our shadowy corner of Hell—
They wait…straining at the edge of the light
Biding their time
Seeking the moment when they can sink their steely fangs into my fragile flesh
and devour my Peace.
They will not consume me.
I choose to be happy
I choose to be free
They will not enslave me
I will NOT give the monster succor!
They will not reign over me…Master supreme.
For I am the Captain of my destiny
Mistress of my soul
I shall not go quietly into the darkness
I will sing, I will dance, I shall give my words wings
For Laughter is the Night Light that keeps the darkness at bay.

Posted in Thoughts

On turning 50

It is the day after my fiftieth birthday and I’m sitting here thinking of the years that have past. I’ve raised six sons of whom I am proud, I been married to my hero, friend and lover for twenty three years and I work three jobs I like. It’s not a bad life. Like the song says, “regrets, I have a few but then again, too few to mention”. I wouldn’t change even the mistakes I’ve made for fear that I’d loose all that I have accomplished. I have a good life. We’re not rich, we don’t have a fancy house, I’ve not even managed to get my novel published but I still feel like I am blessed. My life is, for the most part, happy.

But now that I am 50, I think of my dad who died at sixty six and realize it is only sixteen years before I am the same age. I feel a certain amount of pressure to prove myself. There is so much I still want to do with my life. I want to be able to give something back, to use my talents to benefit my family and my community. I want to get published but it is even more important that words touch someone else. It is my hope that I can make someone smile, that I can lift someone’s spirits, that my words make a difference.