Posted in Thoughts, writing inspiration

Hair

In the fifties guys like The Fonz and Elvis wore their hair in a pompadour or ducktail, or maybe a jelly roll, others chose the flat top or crew cut. Hair differentiated the cool cats from the squares. Ladies styled their locks in the poodle, the pixie, the curly bob or the really risqué might spray their hair into a bouffant. The more hairspray the wilder the girl.  

By the sixties had the girls wearing their hair in everything from Afros to Pixie cuts, to the flip, but if you wanted a reputation, the Beehive would do the trick. Must have been something about that hairspray. The guys were still sporting the pompadour, but hair styles were becoming more varied with the long geometrical hairstyle, men’s bob, short curly, side part, long hair straight or curly, slicked back, combed over, or big Afro. Then came the long-layered look and the iconic Mop Top, and we can’t forget the mullet. The Afro and the Mop Top like the Beehive and the Pompadour made a statement and was often the target, especially for the older generation, for derision and ridicule. What is it about our hair that makes people so angry?

The seventies brought a lot of similarities with both men and women’s hair styles from curly perms for both, to long-layered shags, dread locks, mullets, wedges, and long straight hair. Facial hair became more popular. Dread locks became society’s target of attack.

Eighties became more styled and the use of styling products more prominent. There was a return to the older styles like the fifties but with it came a new set of prejudices, and it continues.

Hair styles, tattoos, piercings, make-up, and dress are all ways we express ourselves, show our culture and our personalities, our interests, passions and affiliations.

I have always felt that hair styles were a great way for people to express themselves. It was usually less expensive and if they didn’t like it, they could shave it off or let it grow out. When my kids were young, I’d let them choose their hair style and as they got older even let them dye their hair. I remember someone accusing me of child abuse because I allowed them to get mohawks, something they’d all begged for. I waited until the last week of school figuring they could let it grow out over the summer if they didn’t like it. They had rat tails, braids, long hair and shaved heads. One even had his hair dyed in several different colors at once much to the horror and dismay of his prom date.

As they have grown older some have grown beards, dyed or bleached their hair, worn it long or cut high and tight, some have piercings, some have tats, their styles show who they are, their personalities, and what they feel is important.

Many of us conform to society’s expectations or more accurately to the expectations of our employers. I wear hated polo shirts with my company’s logo. I’m not allowed to wear shorts or leggings to work. They also frown on wild hair colors or excessive jewelry. I show my personality with accessories, colorful scarves, hair bands, jewelry and even colorful pants. I love color. I love ethnic clothes and have gotten strange looks when I showed up at church wearing my handmade African caftan or Mexican embroidered dress. I even hate to wear white underclothes. Clothes should make you happy not just cover your bits and parts. They show your personality. I don’t expect everyone to like what I like but I also don’t feel I need to apologize for letting the real me out once in a while.

A very nice man came into my store followed by another man who was joking with him about his curly hair. Now I knew the first man’s hair was a wig but evidently the other man did not. He kept going on and on about the man’s Toni, as in a Toni perm. When the first man left, the other commented that he didn’t understand why the man, a black man had to have his hair like that. Everyone knew he was black. He didn’t have to wear his hair like that. I really didn’t understand why it mattered to him. The black man was nothing but kind and pleasant, so why did his hair bother him so much? It was then I realized the joking wasn’t done in jest but was poking fun, and my heart ached that I might have hurt that kind man by going along with the joking.

“I like it,” I told the other man.

“What? You like his hair?” The man asked.

“Yep, I do,” I said, my voice stronger.

“Then why don’t you have your hair like that?”

I just smiled and explained, “My hair won’t stay like that not without a lot of product, and I don’t like to wear a lot of stuff in my hair.”

He left still commenting about that man’s hair.

I don’t get it. I don’t understand why what someone else does to their hair or body should matter to me. I don’t have to like it but if it isn’t affecting me, why should I care?

I had an aunt who liked to wear big, gaudy costume jewelry, it looked good on her. She also wore bright colors and enjoyed her clothes. A cousin wore a lot of makeup, and I remembered thinking it was artistic and pretty, but I’d never be able to do that. Others have styles I don’t care for or wouldn’t want for myself, like the really long fancy nails or the elaborate braids. I think they are pretty but I couldn’t wear them myself.

Why do we judge people who look different than us? Why not celebrate our differences? Whether it’s a beautiful young girl made up to look like a vampire or a handsome young man who prefers to dress colorfully with a bit of feminine flare or someone of a different ethnicity who embraces their culture, why not accept that we are all unique and part of the beauty of the world instead of expecting everyone to look, dress and act the same.

What are your thoughts? What fashion do you love or hate?

Posted in News, Thoughts

What’s Happening with the RWA

What’s happening with the Romance Writers of America?

I’ve had several people ask me “What’s going on with RWA?”

How do I even begin to explain? While the big pimple on the face of the organization might have imploded with the wrongful suspension and false allegations against Courtney Milan, the blemishes we’ve been covering up go much deeper and have been going on for much longer. Unfortunately, many of us, myself included where blind to these facts, or at least willingly oblivious.

Like the political climate, things have been festering for a while. When the new president of the United States was announced one of my dear friends and mentor from high school, Ms. Glenoria Jennette came to me and told me of a nightmare she’d had. In her dream, she feared the US would revert to slavery. I denied this possibility, but she told me she knew she’d be okay because her friends, like me, would protect her. I thought, Oh Lord, she’s giving me her power. She can’t give me her power, I’m not worthy, I’m not strong enough… Oh crap what if I really do have to protect her? But that wasn’t what she was doing. She wasn’t giving away her rights or her ability to make her own choices, what she wanted was to know was that I had her back. To quote the late Martin Luther King, jr. “There comes a time when silence is betrayal.” In the present political climate I have ducked my head and kept my own council because no matter what I believe it’s wrong according to someone but when a friend is depending on you to do what is right, you have to make a stand, even if it’s unpopular.

“In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends,” MLK. As a white, heterosexual, able bodied woman I do not feel capable of making decisions for people of color or any other marginalized individual. Before I can make a decision affecting someone else, I should first have an honest conversation with them to discover what it is they need from me, from the group, etc. Making assumptions about others’ needs, taking away their power is no different than saying they are incapable of making these decisions for themselves, but I know it is past time for the rest of us to stand up and add our voices to this problem. “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter,” MLK. I pray it is not too late for RWA or for our country to find a place of understanding and peace.

It is difficult to look at myself as one of the entitled white women, and I don’t say that with any malicious intent or to undermine the racial inequalities that have come to light during this whole debacle. No, I say it to embrace the facts. I did not realize I was entitled, and I think that is where my crime lies. I was oblivious. Like many who belong to RWA or other groups and organizations, we do not necessarily see the problem because it doesn’t affect us. Sometimes we see slights but write them off as this one’s personality, or that one is older, and she doesn’t really mean to be inconsiderate. For some reason people who have reached a certain age think they can say anything they want and get by with it. We also tend to “mind our own business” and not involve ourselves in someone else’s fight.

With so many of our fellow authors leaving RWA in protest of Courtney’s mistreatment, the battle has fallen to us, the “white women” to finally stand up and say, this is our battle too. For if we are truly a “Professional Group” for ALL romance authors then we need to behave as such. Regardless of race, religion or sexual preference, all men and women shall be treated equally and with respect. (I started writing this before reading JR Ward’s and Nora Roberts’ responses to the situation but found both had said much of what I wanted to say and more eloquently. Check out their essays. Also check out Alyssa Cole’s op-ed about Harry and Meghan’s announcement and how it parallels with what is happening in RWA.)

I believe it is the lack of respect that I find the most difficult to understand. My parents taught me to always treat people, no matter their station in life, with dignity and kindness. Good manners cost nothing and when we belong to a large group like the Romance Writers of America it is important to be kind. That doesn’t mean we can’t be ourselves, that we can’t speak out, it means we treat others the way we want to be treated, and we expect our neighbors regardless of race, religion, physical ability or sexual preference to be given the same opportunities, respect and welcome.

For now, I will remain with the RWA in the hope that my voice will make a difference and that one day soon those who felt the need to leave will be welcomed home with the love and honor they deserve. I believe in happy endings.  

Posted in audio books, Book Review

Dr. Strange Beard by Penny Reid

Narrated by Chris Brinkley and Chloe Miller

Winston Brothers Book 5

Veterinary doctor, Roscoe Winston is still nursing a broken heart leftover from high school. He avoids Simone Payton at all costs. With an eidetic memory, Roscoe can’t afford anymore memories of Simone breaking his heart.

The youngest of the Winston Brothers, he was somewhat protected from their evil father, but he remembers more than anyone realizes.

Simone, back home investigating a series of murders, is undercover FBI agent working at her mother’s donut shop. When a chance encounter with the Winston Patriarch and her former best friend it sends the estranged friends into a tailspin of romance and intrigue. Throw in a prejudiced cop who threatens her cover by bringing her unwanted attention when those who care about her want to come to her rescue.

Murder, romance, FBI, lies, memories, horses, and puppies, oh and we can’t forget the clowns, Penny Reid has done it again. I’m almost afraid to read the last book. I don’t want this series to end. Maybe I’ll just start all over again. Love the beards y’all. This is a fantastic series with laughter, love, sexy romantic heroes and kick-ass heroines, and all the emotions. Penny Reid doesn’t backdown from the tough issues, but she doesn’t preach. She opens the eyes of the reader and allows us to see the beauty in our differences, our similarities and the celebration of it all.

Penny Reid makes me laugh, cry and fall in love and that’s just with her grocery list…y’all have got to read this series.

Posted in poetry

Fear or Love

Fear

The four letter word that gives rise to tyrants

Terrorists

And bigots

 

Fear

Our excuse for prejudice

Hate

And anger

Persecution of our neighbors

 

Fear

builds walls

prisons

and slums

Shackles the masses and silences our voices

 

Fear

Crowns kings

Starts wars

Ruins lives

Reasons injustice, murder and slavery

 

Is it better to be feared or loved?

 

Love

Gives rise to faith

Grace

And peace

 

Love

Tears down walls

Opens doors

Frees us from our prison

 

Love your neighbor

Pray for peace

Be courageous

Strong and free

 

Fear has no strength when we stand and fight

Fear has no hold when free men unite!

 

 

 

 

Posted in Book Review

Katharine Ashe’s “I Loved a Rogue”

I didn’t want it to end but I couldn’t stop reading. I read it too fast because I just had to know what happened next. Eleanor and Taliesin’s love story is so much more because of all they must go through to be together. Thank God for happy endings or I could never have survived this emotional roller coaster. What a wonderful ride, the twists and turns were a thrill. Learning the back story of the Caufield sisters was pure art. The tapestry Katharine Ashe weaves together is spellbinding. I think this is my favorite of The Prince Catcher Series. The characters are intense, interesting and inspiring, Eleanor, like many of us is a caged bird finally set free. My favorite quote “I want to be the heroine of my own life.” She is a true heroine for even though she was afraid, she set out to have an adventure and be with the man she loved.

Posted in Book Review

Allegiant by Veronica Roth

This was the most difficult of the Divergent Trilogy to read, it was slower paced, intense and there was a lot of ugliness. While the battle continues, this new war is more about ignorance and prejudices. The hardest part for me was the lack of faith between Tobias and Tris, while this mirrors how real relationships fluctuate and grow it was difficult to see after all they’d been through in the previous books. The reunion felt real and emotional, as did the growth and changes in the other relationships. Some of the most inspiring passages in this book are about healing. I think that is the greatest asset of this book. While it is not my favorite of the three, it made me think and feel.

From Allegiant…
“If we stay together, I’ll have to forgive you over and over again, and if you’re still in this, you’ll have to forgive me over and over again too,”

[There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.
But sometimes it doesn’t.
Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life.
This is the sort of bravery I have now.]

“Yeah, sometimes life really sucks,” she says. “But you know what I’m holding on for?”
I raise my eyebrows.
She raises hers, too, mimicking me.
“The moments that don’t suck,” she says. “The trick is to notice them when they come around.”

If for no other reason, reading these passages and applying it to my own life, this is what this novel gave me. Hope, inspiration and courage–this book has a lot of darkness, anger and fear yet it also has hope, love and strength. This was a great trilogy, uplifting and heartbreaking.