Posted in short story, Story

Happy Thanksgiving Story

For our last meeting the Pamlico Writers decided to share short stories with a Thanksgiving theme. I decided to do a little experimental writing. When our Writers Read group used to get together in Belhaven, hosted by Marni Graff, there was an amazing young writer there who wrote a story in second person. Blythe was only a teenager at the time but her talent was astounding and her story has stayed with me. Now my little experiment is nowhere as good as what she wrote but I am proud that I attempted something so very different, I hope you enjoy it. Happy Thanksgiving.

Just a little post script: this is more like Christmas morning but since I was writing it for Thanksgiving I took creative license. I am thankful for the little kindnesses my family shows me and this is almost a true story.

Thanksgiving Morning

You awaken to the aroma of coffee brewing and muffled voices. Staggering from your bed you bump into the chest at the foot of the bed and stumble towards the bathroom. After relieving your swollen bladder, brushing your teeth, and taming the wild fluff on your head you follow your nose to fresh brewed coffee.

Your oldest son turns from his task at the stove and apologizes, “Sorry mom, we didn’t mean to wake you. We were trying to be quiet.”

“I smelled coffee.”

Smiling, your middle son hands you a cup and turns to his older brother and says, “I told you she’d be awake as soon as she smelled the coffee.”

The oldest grandson squeezes past with a couple of dozen eggs.

“Did you have to wait for the hens to lay them?”

“Yep,” he replies with a grin and does a reverse squeeze out of the kitchen and out of his uncle’s reach. He gives you a brief hug as he exits.

The scent of roasting garlic mingles with the sweet smell of cinnamon and brown sugar. Wrinkling your nose, you ask, “What’s with the garlic? I thought you were making French toast casserole?”

“I am. Ryan wanted to get a head start on lunch.”

Number 2 grandson lifts his head at his name. The headphones give him an alien profile and allowed him to be oblivious to the previous drama. “Hey grandma.”

“Hey, whatcha making?”

“Garlic butter.” He returns to his task squeezing roasted garlic from its skin and blending it with melted butter, olive oil, and chopped basil.

“Why don’t you sit down with your coffee until breakfast is ready,” the oldest son suggests. “We’ve got this.”

Feeling pampered and knowing you’ll spend most of the rest of the day in the kitchen preparing the Thanksgiving meal, you smile and nod and shuffle off to your recliner to take advantage of the reprieve.

A little experimental writing for Thanksgiving.
Posted in News

I’m an ALLi Ambassador!

I have been selected as an Ambassador for ALLi (Alliance of Independent Authors)

Some of you may have noticed a new addition to my banners and cover photos. I am so proud and excited to announce that I have been selected as an ambassador for ALLi (Alliance of Independent Authors). ALLi is an advocate for the equitable treatment of the independent author. Their campaigns operate and advise globally creative industry professionals, literacy programs and cultural organizations, the strive to influence and inspire government bodies and decision makers in seven core territories: Australia, Canada and the Commonwealth, Europe, New Zealand, South Africa, United Kingdom and the United States.

As an ALLi ambassador the goal is to be a good local source of information about ALLi’s work: their campaigns, membership, efforts on behalf of the industry, and to let authors know about their great resources both free and paid. While ALLi wants to THINK and work globally, they wish to ACT locally. Using the knowledge, resources and experience of its members, ALLi can reach independent authors on their own turf and assist in their market.

While there is still much I do not know, I am constantly learning and seeking information. That is where ALLi comes in. I started following Michael LaRonn, JoAnna Penn and Orna Ross via YouTube and podcast before becoming a member of ALLi. If you have heard these names then you know they are large part of the ALLi family and their efforts on behalf of independent authors has made a big difference in our acceptance by readers and retailers, our education as entrepreneurs, and they given us an advocate for the protection of our rights. If you haven’t heard of them, check them out, and others.

The Creative Penn Podcast https://www.thecreativepenn.com/podcasts/

Orna Ross and her husband founded the Alliance of Independent Authors in 2012.

If you are an independent author or an organization that represents independent authors, then ALLi might be the options for you. Have you checked into being a member? I am a fairly new member to ALLi but I have been contemplating joining for several years. With my work with the Pamlico Writers’ Group and the Romance Writers of America especially, my local chapter, the Heart of Carolina, I felt that belonging to one more writers’ group might be too much. I am already the chairperson for the Pamlico Writers and VP of communications for HCRW, but I realized there are still things I need to know. As a leader, I need to be on top of what was happening in the industry and while I could read things after the fact, being part of the Alliance of Independent Authors allows me to have an inside view of what is happening. ALLi has a list of approved businesses who other authors have worked with and the have a watch dog desk to keep authors aware of predators.

Education is the key to any successful business. My husband is a mechanic and each year he has to learn about the new cars. It is important to have reliable resources. I hope to use ALLi to better help my local writers’ groups and to use my local writers’ organizations to help ALLi better serve authors in our community, to broaden their understanding of what is happening here, and to help them make the decisions that will affect changes that will allow more authors to support themselves with their craft.  

If you are interested in being a member of ALLi, or are thinking about it, here are their four branches of work:

ALLi’s mission is to foster excellence and ethics in self-publishing.

We empower authors through community and collaboration—author forums, contract advice, sample agreements, contacts and networking, literary agency representation, and a member care desk.

We advise, through our Self-Publishing Advice Center—blog, podcasts, emails, magazine, guidebooks.

We monitor the self-publishing sector—watchdog desk and approved partner program.

We campaign and advocate for independent authors throughout the publishing and creative industries globally.

Membership benefits

Discounts on self-publishing services

Approved partner directory and database of services e.g. editors

Free guidebooks, member magazine and resources

Sample contracts & agreements and a contract review service

Watchdog desk

Dedicated literary agent & rights services

Private member forums—ask questions and receive helpful advice

from ALLi team, advisors, ambassadors and members

If you are interested in joining ALLi you can use my affiliate link below or just go to https://www.allianceindependentauthors.org/

Posted in event, road trip, Thoughts

Confessions of a Nerd

I have a confession. I’m a nerd. I geek out over the strangest things. I love research and learning new things. With the past couple of years’ Covid restrictions I have done most of my research and learning online. As y’all know, I follow several authors online. I love YouTube especially for learning from other authors, but I recently discovered I can find research information like steamships from late 1800s and early 1900s, what life was like in the Victorian era, and assorted household items look like when they explode or catch fire.

I also enjoy taking classes both in person and online on everything from writing craft to research details and even marketing. Okay, maybe I don’t exactly enjoy marketing but as an indie author, marketing is a necessary part of the game. Last Saturday I attended the Heart of Carolina Spring Conference with Molly Maddox and Lucy Lennox. I followed that program with a webinar on Goodreads by Alessandra Torres of Inkers Con. I feel I have been inundated with information, good, much needed information but maybe more than I can process at the moment.  

One thing I learned while raising our sons is that we each absorb information in different ways and regurgitate that information through our own filters. As I review the recordings one more time, I know that I will have to choose one or two things to focus on and do my best to implement those lessons before I can attempt to use any of the other great knowledge. That’s why for me, I don’t mind listening to a lecture more than once, sometimes multiple times. I happily attend classes and programs I’ve attended before or are similar, because review helps renew or remind me of things I might have forgotten or become lax with.

Craftsmen, no matter if they are woodworkers or painters, seamstress or authors, we each continue to learn in order to stay current. When we stop growing and learning, we then begin to die. On that ominous note, I urge each of you and myself to learn something new and find the new nugget in the old.

Of course, I’m a nerd, I love to learn. I geek out over dress fashion changes from the 1800s and inventions of the Victorian era. I get all excited watching glass blowers design a vase or a blacksmith make a knife. I want to know how it’s done.

This week my gal-pals and I will be going to Carteret to listen to mystery author, Tom Kies and while we’re there, I’ll do a little research at the maritime museum. With two books in two different series in different genres and different time periods, this trip is more than just a fun adventure, it’s a necessity. But there will be laughs, good food, fun times and learning all combined. It’s so good to be able to go to in person events again.

I will be learning to Haiku with poet, author and bookstore owner, the Heart of the Pamlico Poet Laureate, Michelle Garner-Flye. Check out http://www.pamlicowriters.org

Posted in event, interview, my books, News

What’s Happening at The Venue

Interview with Christina Howerin

Today I’m with Christina Howerin, the host of the upcoming Valentine’s Popup Vendor Event at the newly opened, The Venue, Main Street, Aurora. Hello, what are you hoping to accomplish with this first vendor event?

Christina:  Hello, thank you so much for being a vendor and this interview!  I recently joined the Aurora Leadership Counsel, and was trying to find a fun way to help local vendors and attract people to come see some of the talent we have here in Aurora.

Sherri: You have several jobs and a couple of independent businesses; how do you juggle everything plus serve on several community organizations?

Christina:  Juggle is the magic word… lol   I work 40 hours weekly for Pamlico County DSS in the food stamp dept.,  I have a vendor booth at The Backyard Bee’s in New Bern,  I recently changed beauty companies.  I am now with VIC Beauty from California and I am also with Park Lane Jewelry.

61874008/user/100000433719187

Sherri: What is the name of your business?

Christina: I was thinking of nicknaming myself Backwoods Barbie.

https://www.facebook.com/christina.howerin

Sherri: I love it.

Christina: After getting the coffee mug, it just fit.

Sherri: The Venue is the Chamber’s new venture. Are you part of the Chamber of Commerce? Who is handling The Venue rental?

Christina:  I have not yet added the Chamber of Commerce to my “Juggle list” yet.  I will hopefully be doing that soon.  Denise Bonner (252) 670-3711 is a member and she handles the Venue.

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100013016596629

Sherri: The town of Aurora has had a bit of a revival lately. It is so good to see the community coming together to make changes. You’re a part of that change.

Christina:  Thank you!  It’s so nice to see people coming together. I invite everyone to come out to any of the Aurora Leadership Council meetings.  Aurora events and happenings can be found on www.auroralife.us.  Make sure to sign up for the “Community Life” newsletter also!

Sherri: I’ve invited my fellow writers from the Pamlico Writers’ Group to bring their books to the Popup Event. Who else is going to be at The Venue?

Christina:  I started the vendor adventure with my former beauty company about a year ago.  I have made some awesome and talented friends.  There will be MT’s Cupcakes, Ms. Mary Jenkins, & Funnels of Love,  we also have Scentsy, East Coast Customs,  2 Creative Sista’s, handmade wood crafts, purses, towels, jewelry, Colorstreet, Tulaxii,  a wide array  

Sherri: You were talking of doing other events; what else do you have in mind?

Christina:  I plan on trying to have a popup once a month.  Next month is set for March 12th. Vendors can sell their items and/ or have a yard sale table.  Space is limited, so first to pay gets a spot.  If interested, please contact me (252) 375-0915 to be added to my Facebook group of vendors.

https://www.facebook.com/designbyEastCoast
https://www.facebook.com/ahhamilton1
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100013016596629
https://www.facebook.com/april.s.brooks.3

Plus Pure Romance representative, handcrafted items and jewelry designer, Bridgett Bonner

https://pureromance.com/pws/BridgettBonner/tabs/home

and more…

Don’t miss this holiday event at The Venue. Find great gift ideas or something for yourself.

I’m so excited to be included in this event.

https://www.facebook.com/sjlhollisterwriter
Posted in Creekside Cafe, interview

On The Porch with L C Larsen

I’m here with L C Larsen the author of the new novel, Some Men Deserve to Die. Lars is a member of the Pamlico Writer’s group. After years of working as a doctor and instructor, why would you embark on yet another career?

Lars: I had wanted to write a short novel for about two decades before I retired because of the joy I’ve experienced from reading them during times of stress during my life and career. I mean, we all have difficult times in our lives or times when we’re just overwhelmed and there’s no better way to escape those pressures than to curl up in a chair and read a good novel. I retired and decided to try writing a novel and, hopefully, provide some happiness to my readers. It also would provide a meaningful project I could work on with my adult children—I spent so much time working as a physician that I hadn’t worked with them as adults on any projects where we could function as peers, to interact as equals and strengthen our relationships accordingly. However successful the novel turns out commercially, the final outcome in that regard has been fantastic.

Sherri: That wonderful Lars. My husband and sons have all helped me with my novels and it’s so much fun being able to share our passions and learn from each other.

What genre is your new novel? 

Lars: Murder mystery, with a physician-detective protagonist. It could also be classified as “murder mystery adventure.”

Sherri: Why did you choose to write a murder mystery?

Lars: I have always enjoyed classic murder-mystery stories, those with thoughtful and observant protagonists like Hercule Poirot and Sherlock Holmes. As a former physician with roughly four decades of clinical experience caring for patients from all walks of life and hearing their deepest secrets, I felt my medical knowledge and insight into human behavior would provide a solid foundation for weaving an interesting story about the worst of crimes, about killing a person, and how possibly to get away with it.

Sherri: Tell me something about your main character, Jack Damen, that is not in your book? 

Lars: An important aspect about Damen that’s not explicit in the book is that while he’s different from the great majority of readers, he is similar in a very human way: he’s flawed with a dark side but works hard to overcome it and be productive in his life. Also, he has done terrible things in his life and has sought redemption but it seems to escape from him time and time again because of the choices he makes, as it often does for many of us. I named my self-publishing company, Three Choices Press, after that phenomena: we all make choices, some good and some bad, and many times we make choices that don’t neatly fit into either category but work out for us nonetheless.

Sherri: How did you come up with your title, Some Men Deserve to Die?

Lars: I’ve always been an observer of people and their actions. As a physician and in my non-medical life, I have witnessed firsthand the depravity in humankind’s soul; in my experience, it’s been primarily in males.

Sherri: How long did it take you to write this book? What was your process?

Lars: Five years, writing two hours daily, five days per week, nine months each year. The best time for me to think and write creatively is in the morning after breakfast before reading the news or being distracted by anything else. I have a comfortable chair in our family room where I would sit with my “lap desk” and laptop, coffee on the side table, and go at it until mentally exhausted about two hours later. That’s also the maximum amount of time I could isolate myself from Pat, my wife, without negatively affecting our relationship.

Sherri: In crafting your characters, do you fashion them on people you know? 

Lars: No, not really, not on individuals I’ve known. All of my characters are blends of people I’ve met or observed with imaginary attributes I assign to them for their roles in the novel.

Sherri: What do you wish you’d known before publishing this book?

Lars: How difficult it is to be a creative writer and how long it would take to write this novel. I had done a fair amount of scientific and academic writing in my career but transitioning to creative writing was the hardest thing I’ve done since medical school. The first three years of writing this story were trial and error, learning my mistakes and studying to correct them. Coupled with the time and mental effort required each day to just “put the story down on paper”—conceptualizing scenes and typing them—it was a major challenge but one I enjoyed as I progressed through the process.

Sherri: What do you hope to do different with your new book?

Lars: The plot will be better established before I begin writing. In Some Men Deserve to Die, I initially formulated the beginning and end of the novel but the body of the story and its characters evolved as I wrote it. Also, it was designed to be the first in a series of Jack Damen books so writing the sequel should be easier now that the characters have been developed. In fact, I’ve already determined a plot for it—so exciting!

Sherri: What would you tell a new writer?

Lars: Be prepared to work twice as hard and long on your book as you anticipate and be prepared to learn unexpected things about yourself, aspects of your personality that will help and hinder your creative writing. For me, having had narrow focus and linear thinking allowed me to be successful as a physician, but these are traits I’ll always have to compensate for as a creative writer.

Sherri: What character was the most difficult to write? Which one was the easiest?

Lars: My protagonist, Jack Damen, was the most difficult because his personality is so multifaceted. Also, I wanted readers to discover more about him as the novel progressed, personal traits that would resonate with them. I felt really good when one reader sent me a letter with their revelations about him.

Dr. Michelle Lewis was the easiest because I’ve known so many people like her: really smart southern women who’ve been underestimated because of their genders and communication styles.

Sherri: Is there a scene you removed from the final edit of the book? Why did you take it out? 

Lars: Yes, I removed a scene about an abusive, alcoholic father and his subsequent relationship with adult children. I took it out because one of my preliminary readers felt it cluttered up the plot. It was a powerful segment, though, and I’ve saved it for a sequel.

Sherri: Did you do the publishing yourself? Was it difficult? 

Lars: I did the publishing myself through KDP Amazon. It wasn’t difficult but learning how to do it took quite a bit of time. KDP provides a software tool, Kindle Create, that can be downloaded onto your personal computer along with a working copy of Pride and Prejudice that you can practice on—editing, formatting, etc. After that has been mastered, you enter your manuscript into the software, edit it, and upload the final product into the KDP server. Choosing a book cover is the final step, one made easy by software on the KDP server. Having already done it, I feel it will be a piece of cake the next time around.

Sherri: Thank you for stopping by and sharing your story. 

Available in Kindle and paperback formats at https://Amazon.com

My website is www.lclarsen.com
My business email is lclarsen@lclarsen.com
My business page on Facebook is L.C. Larsen (found most easily in Facebook by searching my username:  L.C. Larsen@ThreeChoicesPress)

Posted in Thoughts, writing inspiration

If Not Now, Then When

Me, my dad and mom 1980

A conversation with my mom, an inspirational quote and a memory on Facebook had me thinking of a new blog post I wanted to write.

How many of us have a dream we are afraid to pursue? I know I did. If not for the push of my best friend and my husband, I would not have made the first steps to being a writer. My writer friends, mentor and Beta readers have given me the tools, confidence and encouragement that have helped me become a published author. For years, fear of failure, of not believing I was good enough, kept me from even trying. It was only after my best friend read some of my work and liked it that I felt confident enough to start thinking seriously about pursuing the dream I’ve had since I was a young girl.

Pamlico Writers’ Conference with Jim Keen, author Katherine Ashe, myself and my friend Robina Norman

I believe fear cripples many dreamers. Fear and an unkind word or thoughtless criticism can shackle a budding creative. I was reading a Guide Post my mother gave me and the section on positive outlooks called “The Up Side” inspired me. One of the quote really struck home. “Stop telling yourself you need to be fearless. You don’t, You simply need to be courageous,” by author and motivational speaker, Valorie Burton in the May 2021 Guideposts.  

How many of us feel we’ve waited too long to make our dreams come true? My mom had a box of stuff she was going to use “someday.” She talked about traveling, visiting friends and relatives, going to interesting places… someday. It was always someday. When she lost her home to flooding during Hurricane Irene, her box of special things was destroyed. Later that same year, Mom fell and broke her hip. Now with the onset of severe arthritis, she has difficulty walking and her hopes of traveling and visiting interesting places has become limited. Someday never comes. If you want to do something, then you have to make a plan and as Nike says, “Just Do It!”

Ann Peach award winner, thanks to my friend Robina pushing me to submit an entry.

“If Not Now, Then When?” is a slogan I’ve heard recently, it’s very à propos. Putting off our dreams until we have more money, we have more time, the kids are grown, whatever your excuse, the truth is, it is fear that binds us and keeps us from reaching for our dreams. But, we are not guaranteed tomorrow. If you are waiting for everything to be just right you will never even get started. If you truly want this dream to come true, you need to make it a goal. Make a plan. Set things into motion. Save up for that special trip. Start working on that novel. If you need a push, find a group that will support your plans. My best friend and local librarian talked me into sending a story to a writer’s competition in Carteret County. I attended their awards ceremony and met an author from a writer’s group closer to home. Afterwards I joined the Pamlico Writer’s Group.

I have been a member of the Pamlico Writer’s Group off and on for about twenty years. My son Jason even attended a meeting or two with me when he was a teenager. It took me a long time to find confidence in my talent. I’m not sure if I’ve yet discovered my true voice. Each book helps me to discover more about myself and my writing. I’m still learning. I waited a long time to get published and still feel I have a long way to go to reach those who have influenced my stories but I’m working towards my dream, my goal of being an award-winning author. What are you doing to make your dreams come true?

Posted in inspiration, my books, writing inspiration, Writing tips

Writing Fight Scenes

Writing Fight Scene References

I’m doing a presentation for my local writers group, The Pamlico Writers, Tuesday, April 27th via Zoom. I’m sharing some of my favorite writing blogs, videos and vlogs. I’m also adding a friend’s book on fighting, “Stand Your Ground: Write the Right Fight.” Do you have any favorites you’d like to share? I’d love to add to my list.

YouTube Videos

Writing with Jenna Moreci (adult language warning)

Brandon Sanderson Lectures and Tips

Writer Brandon McNulty

Blogs

reedsyblog

https://blog.reedsy.com/how-to-write-a-fight-scene/

WikiHow

https://www.wikihow.com/Write-Fight-Scenes

NY Book Editors

https://nybookeditors.com/2018/08/how-to-write-a-convincing-fight-scene/

Standout Books

Posted in contest, Story

The Wreck

I have been so busy I haven’t had time to do a rewrite on my idea of a horror story. I finally took the time to try again. I hope you like the rewrite. Don’t forget The Pamlico Writers Group and The Haunted Pamlico are having a writing competition. I can’t compete but I can have fun writing. Let’s see what you’ve got.

“Lady, ma’am, can you hear me?”        

Of course, she could hear him, he was shouting in her ear. She tried to move away from the noise, but she couldn’t move. She was restrained. Why am I restrained?

“Ma’am, don’t move.”

Why couldn’t she move? Blinking, she tried to force her eyes open. Bright light shocked her eyes increasing the pain in her head. She groaned closing her eyes against the intense burn.

“It’s okay lady, I got you. We’ll get you out of there, just don’t move.”

“What-why?” She didn’t recognize her own voice.

“You’ve had an accident,” the man said.

Struggling to open her eyes, she blinked the blurriness away and concentrated on her surroundings. The pain was less shocking this time. The light and the heat were refracted by the cracked windshield. The rear view mirror lay propped on the dash reflecting the brightness into her eyes.

Her breath caught in her chest as she saw just her face mirrored on the face of the man beside her. A whimper escaped her cracked and trembling lips. “What are you?”

“Ma’am, it’s okay, I’m a firefighter. I’m here to help you.”

Squinting her eyes, she forced her brain to focus. The faceless man was wearing a shield. Her own face had been reflected in his face-guard. It’s okay, he’ll protect you.

“Calm down, it’s going to be okay. My buddies are working on releasing the vehicle. You’re going to be just fine.” The car shifted and tilted.

She screamed.

“I got you.”

“Where am I? What’s going on?”

No one replied.

The car rolled to the side. She widened her eyes, as the car’s nose pointed down giving her a view of the ravine where they perched. Crying out, she clutched at the firefighter.

“I got you.”

The backdoor swung open and closed with an ominous creak. Shifting her head, she stared into the abyss. From her peripheral she saw a child’s safety seat sitting askew in the backseat. She could picture a child, a little tow-haired boy. Tears streamed down her face. “My baby?”

The firefighter shifted. “He’s not here.”

A dream of him being pulled from the seat by some unknown force flitted through her thoughts. She stared at the door as it swung back and forth with the movement of the rescue workers. “Where my child?” She whispered, her voice hoarse from the smoke and the heat. “My baby.”

“Ma’am, there wasn’t a child with you,” he reassured.

But she knew, she knew he’d been in the car. “The light, the light took him.” The bright light had come out of the darkened sky, blinding her. The backdoor had been ripped open and the baby pulled from his car seat. “They took him!” Her voice rose as the memory returned. “They took my baby!”

“Ma’am, I need you to stay calm.” He spoke into his radio pinned to his coat. “I think she’s intoxicated.”

“I’m not drunk,” she said. Tears burned her eyes and she fought to remain calm. “Please, help me. Where is my son?” She shouted.

“Ma’am, there is no sign of a child…” but he’d seen the car seat. He had to notice the back door was open. “Could he be with your husband?” She heard the doubt in his voice.

She tried to think. Husband? Could her son…what was his name? Slowing her breath, she tried to stay calm. What was her husband’s name? She couldn’t remember. What was her son’s name? Oh God! How could she forget her son’s name? Tears streamed down her cheeks.

“Ma’am, do you know your name?”

Her brain felt scrambled, confused she shook her head and winced at the pain. “What’s happening to me?”

“Head injury.” He patted her hand. “It’s okay, ma’am, we’ll have you out in no time.”

The light came out of the darkness brightening the sky like daylight. She slowed her vehicle as the light hovered. The back door suddenly opened. Her son screamed. She turned to see something pull him from his car seat. “No! You can’t take my son!” She shouted. She tried to slow the vehicle but they’d done something, her brakes didn’t work. “No, give me my baby back!” The tree slowed the car before it careened over the ravine.

“Lady, ma’am, can you hear me?”

Of course, she could hear him, he was shouting in her ear.  Opening her eyes, she turned to see the back door swinging open, the child’s safety seat shifted as if a child had been pulled from it in a hurry. “Oh God, what’s happening?”

The light came out of the darkness as she sped down the highway. The backdoor was ripped open.

“Lady, ma’am, can you hear me?”

Of course, she could hear him, he was shouting in her ear.