Tag: small towns

Meneja-tois and Peanut Butter
A friend stopped by recently and asked if I’d heard any rumors about her. After giving her a dumb look like yeah, I’m supposed to remember a juicy bit of gossip that I’m not in, you’re kidding right? I’m lucky if I remember to put on my underwear most days. I keep deodorant at work just in case I forgot any necessary toiletries. And she’s asking me about some hypothetical rumor? Well another friend was also visiting and she, being younger and more informed proceeded to tell her the latest news she’d heard but I guess her source was pretty accurate because she didn’t even bat a lash.
Now both of these ladies are decades younger, prettier and have more energy and could possibly still have time to get in a little more trouble than me, I’m lucky if I have time for dirty thoughts anymore. But she proceeded to explain that a rumor had started about her and her husband being swingers (they both work all the time) and that they were into meneja tois. Okay y’all I admit, I’ve been married a long time and I have tried some unique things to keep my marriage interesting and we do live in a very small town so I’m sure some of my adventures and a few misadventures have been told here and there. Like I told my husband, the internet wasn’t around when we were having all of our fun but I just added a few of the more interesting adventures to my novels. Don’t go thinking too much y’all I’m not published yet. I remember trying the latest crazy thing touted in the women’s magazines from feathers to peanut butter. FYI peanut butter doesn’t work for oral sex, neither do Halls, just so you know. Not good experiences, don’t ask. If you’re gonna use grease, do not use petroleum base products they break down the latex in condoms, many a redneck was born due to this misconception or is it conception. Remember light oil and if you plan to use those bed sheets ever again, you might want to just invest in a plastic drop cloth. Heck, just do what I do, wait until the kids go to bed and grease down their slip and slide. Be careful and don’t use too much oil and don’t trim your hedges or your neighbors will get quite a show. I think that’s why Ms. Betty moved. Oh well, as for the Menja toi, with several children in the house (best form of birth control I know is to have kids) both of them working, who has time for sex. Multitasking is great but when you’re shaving your legs and talking to your mama on the phone and he’s trying to get a little before work, well, that’s about the only threesome most of us have time for. I remember shouting in the phone, “My I’ll call you back later, I gotta go.” And he’s like, “It’s okay honey, you talk, I got this.” Yeah, he’s got this alright but he’s not finishing without me.
Ready Whip and chocolate syrup I highly recommend, I can’t see a can of Ready Whip even now without getting the silly giggles. If the Piggly Wiggly has a run on Ready Whip well y’all do know I have an empty nest now, as for the peanut butter save it for your sandwich afterwards and don’t forget to call your mom.