Relationships aren’t easy and the older we get the more difficult it is to make friends. So, why, in fiction do we make it seem so easy? Because we have 200-300 pages to make you believe this person has become their best friend, love interest or worst enemy? Okay, I get that, we have a limited amount of time to show the reader this person is this thing.

Often, authors start with an already established relationship: an old college buddy, a friend from high school, the one that got away, or even the nemesis at work who is always stealing your clients, this way you already have built-in backstory even if the reader doesn’t yet know it.

How do we build believable relationships with our characters?

1. As previously mentioned, you start with someone from their past. While this is the easiest way, there is still work to do. We need some context, backstory, some show of their relationship. You can’t just say Sam has been Joe’s best friend since high school. We need shared stories, jokes, nicknames, etc., things that are only shared by these two or maybe a group of their closest friends. Also, we need to see them with each other on the page. We, as humans, act differently with our friends than we do with other people, even our family and co-workers. We often have an abbreviated way of talking with our friends because they already know what we’re going to say or how we would say it. Even if you have big news to share with your group of friends. Do you tell them all at once or is there one you’d tell first and then tell the others? Who would interrupt you before you finished? Who would finish your story for you? What would really shock them? How would they react? Each of them would react differently. Think of your own friends’ group. There is one who is the leader, maybe they are the voice of reason, and at least one who is the cut-up.
2. Love at first sight or even hate at first sight, relationships that just click or don’t. I’m not saying this doesn’t happen. I have met people I’ve become friends with quickly, but the relationship is usually based on one shared thing: a hobby or interest, some joke they both get usually based on a shared interest, or even surface appreciation like the way one looks. But I don’t believe this is basis for a lasting or deep relationship. It might be enough for initial attraction, but whether real or fiction, there has to be something more that follows. I recently read a book by Samantha Chase, Baking it Merry. Daphne is over the top happy and festive, while Tristan is too serious and a bit of a grump. The two clashed immediately. Each layer from unwanted attraction, because they don’t like or understand each other, to coming to know each other, to starting to like and understand each other, to giving into the attraction, to falling in love, was all given time to build. They didn’t go from being enemies to being lovers, they needed each other, tolerated each other, became friends, and then lovers, all before falling in love. It was one of the best enemies-to-lovers stories I’ve read because she took the time to devote to each layer.
3. The slow build or in romance, the slow burn. The biggest problem with this is pacing. If it takes too long for the couple to get together or too long for the relationship to find its footing, it can end up being DNFed (does not finish). I believe the best slow builds or slow burns are done in series where we have time to get to know the characters. We have the will-they won’t-they anxiety as the couples dance around each other, but it can be done in a single novel as well. The biggest hurdle is giving the reader just enough to whet their interest in what is going to happen next. You don’t want to rush the relationship, but you don’t want to drag it out. There needs to be a feeling of anticipation or concern. Is this relationship a romance, friendship or a possible antagonist? Are we building up to a big reveal that unmasks a murderer or a hero? In this case, I feel like we should get sprinkles of information or even misinformation. In the case of a thriller where the person of interest starts out as a possible love interest, we might see the couple together in what should be a romantic moment, but has an uneasy incident, nothing major, just something you would go back to later and say, here, this is where we see the truth. Sprinkle the truth like salt or glitter, not too much or you have a big mess to clean up. If they are the love interest, show reasons why we should fall in love with them, if they are the antagonist, show reasons we should fear or be concerned about them. The information can start out small like one grain of salt or one shiny bit of glitter. You give just enough to make the reader go back later and say, huh, it was here all along but so light, I missed it. But if you build it over time, suddenly you taste it or see the shine, until it takes over and cannot be denied, or maybe you leave the reader guessing at the end, if you dare.

How else do you build a relationship in real life or in fiction? I’d love to hear about your methods.