As a romance writer, intimacy plays a huge role in the stories I write, and not just sexual intimacy. Being intimate with another person is about being familiar with them, knowing their likes and dislikes, understanding their quirks, and being not just physically close but having a closeness that transcends other boundaries.

In my research, Psych Central said there were four types of intimacy. I was only aware of three. But they list emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual as the four. I had not thought of spiritual intimacy and will probably deal with that one at a later date. For now, I’d like to talk about emotional and physical intimacies, with maybe a hint or two of mental intimacy.

Intimacy, whether in real life or fiction, is about emotional closeness or connection. For me, without an emotional connection, the physical connection is little more than a bodily function, and a mental intimacy would be difficult without some shared emotions.

Friendship has differing degrees of intimacy. There are some friends who share a mental connection, you like the same things, maybe you jog together but you don’t share your personal weaknesses with them. There are other friends who know as much about you as they know about themselves because you have shared your truths and have had the security of their honest relationship. My husband and I started out as friends. He knew a lot about me, and I knew about him before we became a couple. As a couple, we have shared many intimacies from our shared passions mental and physical to our emotional vulnerabilities. With him, I know my secrets are safe. I know that he is both my champion and when needed, the one to spur me into action. He is my friend as well as my lover and partner. I have some friends who are more like family because our intimacies surpass others and there is a bond greater than mere friendship. These are the friends who like my husband, I feel I can be myself. I can show my worst and they’ll still be there with a kick in the butt or a shoulder to cry on, whichever is needed.

In fiction, I want my characters to share different degrees of intimacy. I want to see the family dynamics, the friendships, the coworkers, and the love interest. But there shouldn’t be the same degree of intimacy with a coworker as there is with family or even friends, but especially not with the love interest. Friends should also have different degrees of intimacy. Your childhood friend who knows all about you will share a different type of intimacy than a friend who has only known you for a few years.

Sports romances have a huge following due to the built in relationships of a team. Often teammates become closer than family. When you have to depend upon a teammate to succeed you have to learn their strengths and weaknesses. It is the job of the team to balance their fellow teammates. Even with competitors, there is a level of intimacy because they have to learn the other’s strengths and weaknesses in order to beat them. While this intimacy might be more of a mental intimacy, there is still that getting to know the other person. In our anthology, Well Played you will see a variety of characters and relationships.

In my novella Two Special Cupids, there are several intimate relationships from coach and player, friends, siblings and family members, a long married couple and a couple falling in love. Each relationship has its own unique intimacy. I hope you will check it out.